I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
