If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
