2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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