I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
