she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
