just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
