My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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