they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
