It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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