True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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