Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
