i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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