if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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