Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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