in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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