someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
