Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
