Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
