bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
