Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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