don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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