Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
