my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
