I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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