dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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