The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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