Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
