I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
