I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
