It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she woke up with a sticky ear
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
