no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
