My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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