He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
