Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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