I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
