Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
