In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
