what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
