I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
