I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
