Apparently you make a good broom.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
