I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
