when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
