why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
