Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I AM VODKA MAN
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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