I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
