I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
