He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
