so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
