But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
