He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
