i always forget guys have bellybuttons
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
