plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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